Hope Deferred And Heart Sick

 

Hope Deferred and Heart Sick

 

Repeatedly

Hope deferred

Heart sick

Faith and expectations each time arise on the inside of me

And another blow of rejection after rejection

And I rally, again, and again and again…….

Against all the odds

And I take the next thing I have to, to survive

Jobs that go no where

Leave me further in debt

Relationships that leave me wanting

Of something better, fulfilling

And I learn what I want

What I don’t want

And I rally and I pray and I expect better

And I get my hopes up again

And I try and I reach out and I overcome

By the Blood of the Lamb

That holds me together

I open my heart each time

And I bleed

And it flows on the paper

For you to read

Expectations get dashed

Heart gets wounded

And I hold on

Don’t look back

It’s a long sad lonely road to look back upon

My disappointments, heartaches and failures

Life can turn on a dime I am told

And I try and I pray and I strive for better

The things I loved have waxed no warmth in my heart

The once anticipated colorful magazines sit in plastic

Unopened

As my dreams feel dried up

Dashed to pieces

I try to collect the pieces

And find my passion again

Who am I

What am I

Why am I here

Father

Align my steps

Keep me on the right path

Show me the desires of Your heart

For me

Hope deferred has made me heartsick

Heal the heartsickness Lord

Fuel my passions again

I have so much to give

Set me in a high place

So I can give out of abundance

And not poverty

To bless many

Help me to take my promised land

That You have promised me

All these circumstances so overwhelming

So undeserved

Are nothing to you

I am so weighed down by them

Take them Abba

Turn them into gold for you

Threads of the fabric of my life

Woven in a tapestry of eternity

That has only begun

Work them together for good

For me, for You

And come into the pit of despair and kiss me Jesus

And help me find a way out

To higher ground

Amen

 

October 17, 2010 ©

Deborah Goodlove